Mental Health Starts With "I Am"

If we take a moment and be really honest with ourselves, if we take stock and audit our mental focus, we would have to admit that we live in either the past or the future more than we do in the present. The kids are about to get up; what are the next 11 things I have to get ready in the next hour for them? The boss expects a stellar presentation in our next team meeting; what do they want to see? Remember when I was giving a presentation and I almost had a panic attack? I will never publicly present again!

I am not saying it's not good to think about the future and about the things we are responsible for. Of course, we have to, otherwise, we cannot function properly in our busy modern lives. Just in the same way, we can give our pasts the proper respect and space because they have, for better or for worse, helped shape who we are today. I am asking you to consider this: Where is my mental health? Is it in the future, the past, or neither?

You can find out for yourself! Take a moment, even right now as your read this humble blog post. After dwelling so much on the future or past, what do I notice about my own inner experiences? Am I experiencing a sense of depression, anxiety, or embarrassment? Do I have the urge to hide under a rock or go sky diving just to not feel what I am feeling? Do you find yourself imagining yourself with no kids, lounging by the pool with a cold mojito in hand? If any of these sensations hit home or close to home then keep reading and let's see if we can bring more awareness of what is happening.

There is a part of your mind that we will call Ted (If your name is Ted then first, I'm sorry, and second substitute Ted for Jerry). Ted doesn’t like when you go to the past or the future (or even the present sometimes!) because he doesn’t like it when you’re uncomfortable and will hook you away and convince you to distract, avoid, fantasize, or hurt yourself to get away from these inner experiences. Ted isn't a bad guy, he just doesn't know when to give you a break or know when he is actually useful or harmful to you. Ted is actually really good at solving problems externally for you automatically. He will helpfully give you names, faces of people who can help, places, or practical solutions to a whole host of problems without you even asking. The problem comes when Ted tries to solve your inner problems. There, Ted is way out of his depths and oftentimes convinces you to react to your inner experiences that, yes temporarily numbs the uncomfortable sensation, but in the long run, robs you of a deeply rich and meaningful life. He can rob you of the magic moment where you are in the here and now, experiencing existences with nothing but your five senses, taking it all in, and allowing yourself to float in just being without phantoms of the past or future obscuring reality.

You may be asking yourself what does he means by the “magic moment” is he a therapist or a magician in a stylish cardigan? Let me ask you, have you ever been to an art museum or gallery? (If you haven’t then I strongly encourage you to do so!) Entering a place of art is like entering a temple, the atmosphere is just different and there are rules, spoken and unspoken, in place to ensure the air of reverence for what is being sensed is fully breathed and fostered. Everyone talks in hushed tones or not at all and they glide from one piece to the other like solemn priests going from one sacred moment to another. All of this is in place to allow you to fully notice the piece of art in front of you and notice how it affects you in return. Your thoughts float through your head like clouds passing by, never anchoring themselves too much in your mind to take you away from the art piece. It is part of the experience, but it is not the experience. Gone for the moment are the puppet strings that attach you to the thoughts of screaming kids, the stress of the job, your fears of your broken marriage, and the lingering sense of loneliness that waits for you every night in bed. It’s just you and the art. That is the magic moment and that moment is available to your every day with one utterance, “I am.”

I am experiencing the thought that I failed in my marriage, that I am unlovable, that there is no hope, and tomorrow would be better If I never woke up. (thanks, but no thanks Ted)

I am experiencing the sensation of depression, anxiety, fear, anger, and frustration. (But I am NOT these sensations)

I am the one who is noticing the moment of life I am experiencing in the here and now. Ted is here too and that is okay because he’s not in charge of what I choose to do, I AM!

Let me introduce a short exercise that you can practice after you finish reading this post that will help you access and anchor yourself where your mental health is, in the here and now, in the magic "I am" moment.

Take 10 deep slow breaths. Breathe in through your nose, filling your lungs completely by pushing your stomach out as you breathe in, then empty your lungs entirely by breathing out your mouth like you're breathing out into a straw.

Practice noticing yourself in these moments. Notice the sensation of your lungs filling up with air, notice your shoulders rising and falling with your breath, notice your abs expanding as you breathe, notice your thoughts and urges coming and going like cars driving by, notice the sensation of gravity all over your body pushing you in place. After the 10th breath open up your eyes and notice your surroundings. What do you hear? Is it far or close? What do you smell? Is it pleasant or foul? What do you notice about what you're currently touching? What do you notice about your inner experiences now? Are they pulling on you just a little less? There are no wrong answers, it's all a journey after all and we’re all walking this out together, especially me!

I encourage you to practice this intervention every day and see if you can create some personal space with Ted. With this new and growing space learn to enjoy what’s around you, whose around you what there is to do around you. When you do, chances are mental health will, like a cat, slip into view and curl onto your lap while the brush strokes of life slowly reveal themselves to you. Will you take the time to appreciate it?